Packing it in

The reason I wanted to focus only on the beauty of the farm in my last post, is because I left something out… This is the last time we’ll be here for a visit.

He’s parents are moving. I’m taking forever to get these sentences out, because even though I haven’t been here before: this feels like home. It feels like I have lived here my entire life! If you’re wondering if I am the only one saddened by this move, the answer is I’m not. This is not a move they made by choice… This was made for them. By some guy who doesn’t even know them.

Anyway, we’re starting to pack and figure out where exactly everything is suppose to go but mostly I’m just standing around because I have no idea where anything should go! I’m handy at making tea though… Well, actually that’s a bit of a lie. On the farm obviously they have people who do that, they pretty much have people around the clock for everything- People who can wash laundry and make coffee without electricity. So all I have to do is hold up 5 fingers so that she knows how many people want. That’s it… not one word spoken [mostly because I feel like an idiot for speaking when she doesn’t understand what I’m saying] and presto: coffee.

As for the general packing: I have to admit that I am extremely glad that this is not my mother’s house. Yes, the house is huge and so is the rest of the farm, so this could take a while but at least there are not as many trinkets and random ornaments everywhere~ excluding the massive animal heads on the walls of course.

I started with packing the clothes. I think we did pretty well. I am the master of making space where there are none! Sitting on the suitcase until it closed didn’t hurt either… It’s been a while since I had to pack a whole house of stuff. It’s times like these you really are grateful for those old newspapers you forgot to recycle. When I think about those mirrors and all the glass things down this crazy bumpy-half-non-existent-farm-road, I cringe. We’ll just have to drive really slowly and use tons of blankets!

We took a few of JS’s brother’s old things to his grandmother’s house today when we went to town to buy cooldrinks and stuff for our electricity-free lunch. Multitasking is always useful. I think we labelled them correctly… just don’t ask me what’s in any of them because then I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear you. It was quite a long drive and we had some serious conversations and a few silly ones about ant hills and radio frequencies. I have seen millions of photos of this farm.

This huge piece of land that they have had to give up little by little until there really is no more little left. This isn’t so bad if you consider he would have to take care of all of it all by himself. The true pain comes in seeing this land in the sunlight, without the veil of darkness to protect you from the disregarded truth. These hundreds of acres that they once owned, that his grandfather owned are now being left unattended and desolated. Nothing is being grown on most of the plots; there are barely any cattle and even the few there are, really need better care.

It’s just not the same when you have it handed to you. When you have everything waiting on a silver platter for you, you don’t need to bother to fight for it. And if you never had to fight for it, it becomes really easy to walk away… To say: ‘Sorry, I tried’ and just turn your back on it.

I feel their sadness but I also see this glimpse of a smile. It’s like for the first time in their lives they no longer have ties to this place that has been sucking the life out of them. They no longer have to live up to a legacy that existed in a different century. They no longer have to fear failure or watch what they say at the risk of losing it all. It already happened and that is that. It’s like for the first time [by taking everything they have and destroying everything they believed they were] someone asked them what they wanted to do. Where they want to be in 10 years time instead of telling them what is expected of them.

Packing your entire life into a box is pretty scary and some of those boxes can be really heavy but the prospect of starting over with a clean slate has its advantages.

We have barely reached the tip of the iceberg with this whole packing thing, so I better go make myself useful.

Till later,

AM

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