We shared a life

I think that you spend the first 5 years after High School trying to get over it or more awkwardly away from it.

It’s like you have to take some time out to re program yourself. This could mean forgetting bad memories or making new friends even though you already have great ones or simply just verifying that the person you are is the real you and not just a by product of adolescent pressure. I found that you sort of need to take a break from all the things you’ve come to accept as normal and constant to discover which of those things actually result in your happiness.

Then one day you’re sitting on the porch drinking coffee and a flood of memories from childhood rush through your mind. You’ve done all the discovering and have a pretty good idea of what really matters to you and now you find yourself comfortable enough to go back and re-introduce those constants and normalities you spent the last five years expelling. Like you’ve managed to purge your system of everything you know and replaced it with new knowledge that now allows you to go back and sort through life’s memories to determine which ones you still want to have when you’re 104 and telling your great-grandchildren about the good old days…

I’ve been reading a random Wilbur Smith book while listening to a mixture of Erik Faber and Butch Walker and all of a sudden I felt comfortable missing my old friends. Let me explain: I don’t really do regrets so for me to miss something is incredibly rare. Even on days when I miss something, I can’t wait to expel the thought from my mind but somehow today I like missing them. Missing these people I haven’t spoken to or even FB’ed in 4 years. People I grew up with and made mistakes with and actually had loads of fun with but never really considered having in my adult life…

Usually I’d chock it up to nostalgia or find some reason to say that it’s actually my psyche masking deeper and more complicated issues yet today I’m just enjoying the memories. The greatest thing about this fast pace life we live in is that I can actually do something to make sure we cross each other’s paths again. I can send messages and give them a call and pretty much pick up right where we left off all those years ago. It’s like I’ve given them enough time to find themselves so that I don’t have to look at them with the same wondering eyes of ‘when are you going to stop trying so hard and just be yourself already’ that I use to.

See, they always say High School is great for finding yourself but with me and my friends it was more like we found a hundred different parts of ourselves and by the time we left school we hadn’t quite figured out how to put those puzzle pieces together yet. After taking a break from constantly motivating and pushing each other, we have another chance to re connect and this time do it because we really want to be friends not just because our paths happened to coincide.

I guess that’s why they have a 5 year reunion… I didn’t go to mine; actually I’m not even sure ours went ahead~ something about a lack of interest. I always said that I’d never attend the 5 year reunion because we’d all still be in contact so I didn’t see the point, I was especially put off by the idea when I realized that 180 out of the 200 people in our class figured I’d be the one organizing it! As if!

What I’m getting at is that sometimes we need to get away from everything we know and walk away from the people who know us to really get an idea of who we are… Pretty much like it’s sometimes easier to talk to strangers about something that really bugs you rather than your oldest friends because they won’t expect anything from you; they won’t anticipate your moods; instead they will be willing to allow you to change… and if needed, they will be fine with you changing back too.

‘On one tombstone all our names should go: we shared a life’ is a line from a Lisa Marie Presley song and I think it’s incredibly true. It’s extraordinary that we can meet so many people throughout our lives and how all of them help make us who we ultimately become; even we have to let them go in order to really appreciate them in the end.

Just sharing my view,

AM

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