Room to breathe

JS and I had a really long conversation last night and we decided to give each other some room to breathe. I love him and he loves me too but we’ve been acting like an old married couple and it’s driving us crazy.

We’ve loved each other for the past 6 years, even though the longest we’ve been in the same country has been the past 3 months. Our love is not going to change, nor does either of us want that to change. And we’re really good together but it’s the not being together that’s driving us crazy! I miss him too much and he worries about me too much. I know it sounds a bit backwards: giving someone room because you can’t stand not being with them… But trust me, it makes sense.

See, I’ve been with his parents for the last week while he went back to work for the opening of their stores and it’s pretty hectic and busy, which is why I decided to stay here a bit longer. Yesterday I could have gone back to Harare with his brother -it was a last minute thing- which is why I called him and we had this long conversation. Basically about the reason I stayed here in the first place: his work is keeping him really busy and I didn’t want him to worry about me waiting for him at home. And as it turns out, it worked. He got a lot more done because he could stay at the office until 10pm without feeling guilty. So during our long conversation we decided to be honest and not just say what we thought the other wanted to hear. We actually came out and said it: we need a bit of room.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being with him and all of that is easy and comfortable but we’re both still young and to have a relationship that in our hearts have been going on for 6 years, is really intense. We both still have dreams and ambitions and if we are to achieve them, we need that to be our main focus point. Look, I would prefer to be able to achieve our goals collectively but they’re just sort of challenging. We’re not breaking up… we’re not even really changing that much in our relationship… we’re just not taking love so seriously. I want him to achieve everything he has ever dreamed off but by loving him to the point of suffocation; it is not going to make that a reality. And to be completely honest this loving him forever and always thing is actually really scary and slightly stressful. So we’re just taking a step back. Most people would refer to it as slowing down but we’re way past that point.

I love him and that’s not going to change! Our relationship is still on, it’s just not our only priority… actually I’m not even sure it’s our main priority… this does not mean we love each other any less; it just means we are focussing on our future a bit more and ALL the things we want in it. I want it all: career, family and a life I can be proud of. Not just a man who completes me. I don’t need any of those things but not going after them, just because I’m content is so not like me or JS for that matter.

He is a strong man and I love him more than anything else. He is smart and sweet and caring and proud and capable of great things. I want him to be great! If that means I have to let him live more of his life without me, then that is a price I am more than willing to pay!

JS you know I love you and I’ll never stop showing you. But I don’t want you to see me as a liability or an extra burden so I’m taking our relationship down a few notches just until we don’t have to work 20 hours a day to make our career dreams come true. Besides, we’ve had intense feelings for a really long time, so time really is irrelevant when it comes to our love.

Look, I just thought I’d share this conversation with you: mainly because love is complicated and relationships require work but taking a step back and allowing love to be fun again and not so intense is sometimes the best solution to maintain the purity of your love. The only thing that’s really changing is our mindset and as soon as I hung up the phone, I actually felt relieved and love JS even more for it.

AM

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