Writing Withdrawal

My posts have been a bit off lately and I’m not entirely sure that any of you would have noticed but I noticed…

So let me explain my strange writing withdrawal: basically I’m terrified to write anything political, I’m almost afraid to have an opinion about politics. It’s easy to say do this or do that if you’re sitting on the other side of the world but if you’re actually here where you don’t have any rights or any form of protection, it’s different. I don’t really care about my own wellbeing because I have always been willing to stand up for my believes and views but it’s my family and the people I care about that I’m concerned for. Two weeks ago the man I love were almost kidnapped.

Not the ‘we hold you for ransom’ kind of kidnap, the ‘if you don’t do what we say we’ll cut off your arm or kill you’ kind of kidnap. He was just at work minding his own business when two 6ton army trucks drove up to their building and started storming it forcing people to get onto the trucks and by the way when I say force I do mean with AK47’s. Luckily he managed to duck under the radar and get out of there but it still scared the crap out of me! So my political opinions have been made clear and until something of great importance happens, I’m sticking by them and remaining quiet.

So why didn’t I write about the personal stuff? Well basically because it’s complicated! I love this man so much but occasionally we drive each other crazy and we’re still trying to figure out how to merge our two very independent lives. Then there are my new friends who all deserve their privacy so I’m not really comfortable telling random strangers about it. As for my family: well we got a new addition but other than that, I’m letting my family fight their own battles and basically trying to stay out of silly family squabbles.

However, my mother and I are making progress and I’m really glad that I’m at a place where I can finally be her friend. But even this is complicated and I need to learn to talk directly to her instead of to the World Wide Web first.

Then there’s the matter of all of you and all of my friends on Twitter. A few of us have been working on this really important project that’s going to turn into something huge but the last few days it’s like we’ve been focusing on the project more than each other, which by definition sort of defeats the concept of the project. Basically we are so caught up in making sure others are ok and this project is going well that we’ve started pretending to be fine even when we are not.

We were so good at being open and vulnerable with each other and that is how we helped each other through the tough times. But now we seem to have people looking at us and expecting us to have answers and somehow that has forced us to pull back and hide from the honesty on which this project was based in the first place. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I miss talking to these friends of mine and I miss having them confide in me and have us all break down in tears over one 140 character tweet. So Chrisselle and Diane, talk to me… I miss knowing all the details and all the fights and all the randomness of your day. Please don’t think that you have to always be happy or have a zillion right answers to make you perfect. You are already perfect in my eyes because of your honesty, don’t forget that.

I didn’t mean to shut all of you out during my last few posts and couple hundred tweets, I guess I just forgot that I trusted you and that you accept me for every part of me no matter how crazy I am at times. But I’m back.

So thank you,

AM

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1 Comment »

  1. I love you, never, ever forget that. ❤


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