Closing this chapter

It is no secret that I have some serious Virgo issues. The people I trust the most tend to be born under this sign and as a result they have more power to hurt me than anyone else. Maybe this is because my mother is a Virgo or maybe there really is an astrological explanation for it but right now I just want to close the chapter on one of them, just be sure that they’re not in my head any more so this post is a bit different and a bit more personal. It’s ‘because of you’ letter to my cousin.

Because of you my eyebrows annoy me when they are wet.

Because of your fearlessness of horses I am terrified of them.

Because of your incessant planning that rarely lead anywhere, I prefer being spontaneous and leaving things to the last minute.

Because of you I never did anything stupid like get involved with Satanism or skinning a cat.

Because of you I have never/ will never try drugs.

Because of you I prefer a group of friends rather than dating my entire high school.

Because of you I can’t sit underneath Oupa’s tree without crying.

Because of you I hate wearing hats.

Because of you and that moment when I was 3, I can’t show anyone the middle finger.

Because of you I hate origami.

Because of you I can multitask like crazy.

Because of you I think in English and not my first language.

Because of you I have friends I’ll never see again.

Because of you I can’t eat chocolate éclairs that I haven’t made myself.

Because of you I can’t drink out of a blue cup.

Because of you I spent a lot of years being really, really confused.

Because of you I am empathetic but unlike you I do it because I care not because I’m too scared of being honest with them.

Because of you I stopped caring.

Because of you I believed that I was worthless.

Because of you I doubted my choices.

Because of you there is no one I can talk to about my dad.

Because of you I don’t add family on Facebook anymore.

Because of you my life was paused for way too long.

Because of you I have trust issues.

Because of you I am not a fan of Easter.

Because of you I dislike both Gareth Gates and Will Young.

Because of you I still prefer Motorola above Nokia.

Because of you I have shoes in my closet I never wear.

Because of you I have to rebuild 19 years of confidence.

Because of you I have to find the person I once was but am afraid I might not like her.

Because of you I have a lot of work to do.

Because of you everything I say is being second guessed… by me!

Because of you I’m not sure how many of my choices were truly mine of based on a reaction to your choices.

Because of you I have cried myself asleep.

Because of time I am ready to move on and pretend that everything you said and everything you didn’t do hasn’t destroyed my. I’m willing to close this chapter in my life and if you want to still be part of my life, you are going to have to put in the work because every grain of credit you use to have has been made null in void.

That is all,

AM

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