Kariba Tweets

Hallo, my name is Aneléne and I am a Twitter addict. I spent the last few days on a houseboat and obviously had no internet connection or even cell phone reception so like a true Twitter addict, I wrote down all the things I would have tweeted had I been connected. Instead of spamming my stream with 60 Kariba tweets, I’m doing it on here instead. Sorry if some of it is a bit dull but those were just the times I really missed my twitter friends.

z  We’re eye level with crocks

z  “That bush isn’t moving” – my mom in really concerned voice

z  Good to know when Push comes to Shove my mom will push me out of the way and shove me down the crocodiles mouth #thanksmom

z  “If the world ended and we all had to live on boats forever it wouldn’t be too bad” “If we could live on this one” #thingsmymomsboyfriendsaid

z  *A good fisherman knows it’s not how deep you go but how you wiggle your worm* #twitterafterdark

z  Cage Jacuzzi

z  *while jumping from second deck of houseboat into crocodile invested waters* Hope I remember how to swim

z  “You don’t need anchors, just a tree” – captain

z  $50 just on ice! Imagine what the drinks cost

z  “I hope that elephant storms that boat” – my mom’s subtle anger towards random tourists

z  Oh, ok… my accent isn’t African enough #fuckyou

z  Hanging like a monkey from a houseboat in the middle of one of the world’s largest dams to get the score of a soccer match #goodkid

z  “Where are we?” –me “Facing North” – my mom’s boyfriend #thanksfornothing

v  How would you feel if I put a hook up your butt?! #fishing

v  Fish foul!

v  Catching shark bait #snack

v  My mom caught an awesome Tiger Fish… till it bit of the line

v  Is it a fish? Is it a crocodile? No… it’s a bird #weirdnature

v  “Alan, wake up! There’s a wild animal on board” *wakes up and listens* then says: “No, that’s just the captain” #snoring

v  “Bird calls are not your forte” bhahaha!

v  See which colour the hair is in the elephants tail #weirdnature

v  “Look! He’s smiling at me” – my mom an elephant eating leafs

v  “The islands use to be hills” #statingtheobvious

v  “The fish is out of water” *panic* “Ok, so we’re having him for lunch”

v  “Attract the elephant with fruit” “Throwing apples at him will not have good results”

v  “Crocodile!” “Where?” *everyone rushes to that side of the boat*

v  “Look at the little elephant” – mom “Where?” –me “I meant elephant” *disappointed*

v  Low blood sugar + crazy good zoom = blurred photos #wildlifephotography

v  Coffee, fishing, brunch, nap, fishing, snacks, dinner, coffee, sleep… and repeat

v  Mosquito nets are awesome and so are the glow in the dark mozzie arm bands

v  Go to sleep facing the water, wake up facing the bar :/ think my subconscious is trying to tell me something

v  Comparing wobbles with my mommy #buttjokes

v  You can see I’ve been out of the photography trade too long: I’d rather miss out on a good shot than miss out on a good memory

v  #ThatAwkwardMoment when you’re on a houseboat and realize your mother potty-trained you with running water

v  Dear diary, today I caught my first Tiger Fish… then I ate it #TheEnd

v  “The Sun is as big as your butt” #ThanksMom

v  Ice cube fight!

v  Like London only has 8 days of summer a year, Kariba only has 8 days of winter a year

  • People keep asking me if my mother got married again, don’t they realize I’m the last person she’d tell?
  • “There’s a hippo” “What hippo? I’m not a hippo” lol
  • The worms who planned their escape last night succumb to bug spray
  • “We are being followed by an unmanned boat” “Marie Celeste… Ahhh!”
  • I’m tanned… when it’s dark… and I don’t stand close to anyone else :/
  • #ThatAwkwardMoment when you think you’ve gotten a tan and then you take off your sunglasses
  • “I thought it was a crocodile… then it fell out of a tree” bhahaha
  • Question of the day: How long can a hippopotamus hold its breath under water
  • #ThatAwkwardMoment your hair is all windblown but you don’t want to fix it because people will realize you looked in the mirror and will expect you to make a habit out of it
  • When you brush your tangled hair and sound like a mongoose
  • When you get tired of waiting for them to bring your coffee and plan your verbal assault just for them to come upstairs with your coffee in hand
  • Just been chased by a little buffalo #WhenISayLittleIDontMeanLittle
  • My monkey-nastics has been rewarded with peanuts
  • Island welcoming committee aka MALE baboons
  • Checklist: Hippo, water tortuous, baboon, buffalo, crocodile, likkewaan, kudu, elephant and sunsets
  • Watching a baboon trying to fish without getting wet #hilarious
  • These fish are only good for cleaning hooks
  • It seems we are boring the baboons #yawn
  • “Being the only two baboons on the island must suck… if they have a fight they have no one to complain to” #SillyThingsSaidToday
  • “Put away your stick” “He’s trying to make a fire” “Wrong stick” #TwitterAfterDark
  • #HowToScareAway baboons: start laughing
  • Dear tourist who were here before us: DON’T LITTER #kthanks
  • I’m the quickest at baiting a hook with worms but refuse to do so as it is cruel #irony
  • Then again these worm’s escape tactics have only lead to hundreds of casualties… #RIP
  • Considering drugging our captain and playing pirate with his houseboat
  • My monkey-nastics to retrieve the results of a soccer match *again* is truly astonishing
  • There is something very filling about catching your own food #fishing
  • A starless sky in the middle of a huge lake is not as scary as I would have thought it to be
  • #ThatAwkwardMoment when you start catching fish with popcorn
  • I’m always the first to start packing…
  • #YouKnowMyMother is bored when she starts reading a book… without her glasses
  • #YouKnowMyMother is excited when she uses all 4 my nicknames in 1 sentence
  • #YouKnowMyMother is annoyed when she has 2 glasses in hand and isn’t drinking from either
  • #YouKnowMyMother is drunk when she starts thinking all arguments can be resolved by her finger-snapping-dance
  • Woken up by the splish splash of jumping fish
  • #ThatAwkwardMoment you realize that even when you stand on your toes, you are STILL too short
  • Spending more time complaining about something rather than taking 5 seconds to fix it #PeopleIDontGet
  • Build a bridge and get over it!
  • The shock when someone says ‘No’ to chocolate before breakfast
  • My all inclusive breakfast sandwiches are the best #JustSaying
  • “A day of waiting and being chased away has been rewarded with an apple” #apeantics
  • People who still don’t know how to read a gas pump #ish
  • Why did the monkey cross the road? Because his butt was warm #dontask
  • Long drive home is being interrupted by tourist pit stops
  • You really can hackle the price for everything… even change
  • #ThataAwkwardMoment you don’t realize you’ve crossed the border between #Zambia and #Zimbabwe
  • Vanilla Twilight by Owlcity is trending! Oh, wait… I can actually tweet that one

 

Yes, I did actually write them with hashtags! If you ever doubt that I love my twitter family just remember that I was on a boat with some of the most important people in my life and I still thought of all of you.

Much love,

AM

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