Today I’m not okay

Remember that day, when you asked me if I was ok

I said I was fine and honestly I felt perfectly alive

But I said that the day would arrive

When I wasn’t alright and then I’d come to you

Well that’s today… Today I’m not ok

 

I just don’t know if I know what to say

In all fairness I should be fine today

Nothing really logical about all of this

Yet I can’t keep the tears inside

My emotions: a rollercoaster I’m too tired to ride

But it finds me anyway, nowhere left to hide

 

Remember that day, when you asked me if I was ok

I said I was fine and honestly I felt perfectly alive

But I said that the day would arrive

When I wasn’t alright and then I’d come to you

Well that’s today… Today I’m not ok

 

Don’t know how to get this conversation underway

It’s been so long since you asked me if I was ok

I’d like to pretend I don’t really mean this

Maybe if I ignore my feelings they’d recede

Suppress and depress seem to be on the same speed

Scribble thoughts, crush them and throw away the seed

 

Remember that day, when you asked me if I was ok

I said I was fine and honestly I felt perfectly alive

But I said that the day would arrive

When I wasn’t alright and then I’d come to you

Well that’s today… Today I’m not ok

 

I’d like to sit here and pretend everything’s just gay

Somehow my imagination won’t let me stay

Have to face my demons; to deal with this

Can’t do this on my own this time

Been holding my head above water as I mime

‘I need help’ but can’t seem to ask out of rhyme

 

Remember that day, when you asked me if I was ok

I said I was fine and honestly I felt perfectly alive

But I said that the day would arrive

When I wasn’t alright and then I’d come to you

Well that’s today… Today I’m not ok

 

The veil of sanity I created can’t veto the doom ray

Ready to lighten the load right where I lay

Must start somewhere and the score is this

Incapable of letting it slide any longer

Have to fight my battles and hope I’ll get stronger

Please take my hand and show me how to conquer

 

I need you today because today I’m not ok…

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5 Comments »

  1. Maggie Riley Said:

    That was amazing, i can relate so much

  2. Lucy Said:

    This spoke to me in ways I cannot even begin to describe to you!

    I am also a 23 year old woman (that sounds so old…. yet girl sounds so young…. I never know which word to use.)

    To the outside world, I have everything and I do not deny that…. My parents are together, I had a great childhood, I am doing a Masters degree at university, I have a boyfriend who adores me and I love him…. You might say I am the girl who has nothing to be upset about….

    Yet, I too am often haunted by negative thoughts that manifest in many different ways…. I often wonder when everything will implode…. something has to go wrong somewhere…. I go through phases of not eating enough and exercising too hard…. I have to be perfect, or my boyfriend will leave me…. I hate my Masters degree, I thought it would give me the edge over my peers, instead it has drained the life out of me….. I live in constant fear of disappointing my parents…. I know they support me whatever happens, but I want them to be proud!

    I have felt on many occasions that I have no right to experience these feelings, because there is nothing explicitly wrong in my life! However, we all have dark moments and I would encourage everyone who reads this to not bottle there feelings up! Even if you can’t talk to friends or family, there are many organisations out there that provide listening services and support! There is never a reason to suffer in silence!

    • As I was reading your comment I almost forgot that it wasn’t me writing it… I am exactly where you are and it is always such an amazing feeling to know that I am not alone and that whatever I am going through, someone else has also been there and survived. I guess that’s one of the reasons Don’t Lose Your Grip evolved… It has helped both me and Chrisselle cope a lot

  3. Lucy Said:

    I realised I spelt their wrong when I said ‘there feelings’ ….. whoops!

    • lol, I’ve stopped counting the amount of spelling and grammer errors I make… hazard of typing too fast 😉


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