Work To Change The World

I’ve been career hopping for the last 6years… I remembered the moment when I decided to abandon my dreams and go in a totally opposite direction. I could just never figure out why I actually made the change.

Last Sunday that all changed. I had a penny dropping moment! It was huge and such a relief after years of feeling like a total looser but now that I understand it means I have to get out of this funk of dwelling around in circles and actually chose what I want for my future.

As a little girl I always believed that I could change the world and I really, really wanted to do just that! I found an artistic way to do that and help people understand someone else’s perspective and I was really good at it. But then my dad died and I made a lot of decisions during that period… a lot of them hurt the people around me and I started doubting that I was worthy of changing the world. Who says that my way is better? Who says that I know better? Who says that my vision was the right one… maybe I was more blind than everyone else put together… So I turned my back on the thing I loved and my biggest passion because I was scared that I would screw up the world.

I moved to the opposite side of the world and wanted to do something so implosive that the only ones my actions affected were the ones inside the building and I was just as affected by theirs but the rest of the world had no idea what we did or who we were and that was the way it was meant to be. I loved it… I loved not having the pressure of changing the world on my shoulders. You need to understand that since I was 4 years old, I wanted to make a difference and safe the world and this idea grew over time and eventually mutated into this insane amount of pressure that I was placing on myself… 15 years of dealing with this pressure and finally I got a break from it. Like I said, I loved it… well, for the first 2months that is. I started to feel something was missing but I still really liked the people around me and the fact that I could control this microcosm of a world we worked and pretty much lived in, so I stayed another 4years.

As a Gemini, I adapt and I work really hard to become the best at everything I do – I don’t always make it but most of the time trying is more than enough. I got a little lost in being the best and lost myself in the process. So one day I woke up and I realized that I wanted more than an awesome career; I wanted a life. Once again I moved to the other side of the world and started over. Yet another career that had nothing to do with previous ones…

Two years later, I still feel like a failure at this job (my directors and co-workers would disagree) and I couldn’t understand how I could be this miserable in my working environment and yet be so incredibly happy at night when I close my eyes. On Sunday I realized that even though my job doesn’t affect the world and I do not feel like I am superwoman for doing it, its mediocrity allows me to do something that is actually changing the world. I get to work with the amazing Chrisselle on a little project we call Don’t Lose Your Grip.

For those of you who do not know – DLYG is basically a support network for anyone who suffers from an eating disorder, mental illness or self harms. It is also a place for friends and family members of sufferers to ask for advice and be exposed to the experiences of others that can help them understand it better. We discuss all of these issues openly in the hopes of reminding each other that we are not alone. Ok, so I did not singlehandedly save the planet from a meteor that would have destroyed it or find a cure for global warming but I like to believe that through this project, we have made at least one person’s life a little bit better… and that’s pretty cool.

So yeah, my job sucks sometimes but as long as I get to be part of something as amazing as Don’t Lose Your Grip, then it’s a sacrifice I’ll gladly make.

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