Archive for Lyrics

I’m a Fucker

I wanted to start this post by saying that all of you know that I am a P!NK fan but then I realized that it’s been quite a while since I actually spoke about it on here…

So for those of you who haven’t been around long enough to experience this side of me: I’m a P!nk Fucker! I never really got around to liking music when I was in High School. I mean, I listened to music – stuff my parents played that I will always love and probably make my children listen to one day as well and also all the pop stuff that I didn’t really get… I listened to Westlife and Michael Learns To Rock because that’s what my friends were doing; I listened to Country and because that’s what my parents danced to; I listened to because that’s what made my grandmother happy; I listened to Katie Malua because I liked words more than the beat because I still have no rhythm; I listened to Avril Lavigne because my boyfriend made me a mixed CD and I listened to the most awesome Christian Rock music because I got to express my faith openly.

You’re probably wondering when I’m going to get to the P!nk part, well in High School I sort of touched on it but growing up in South Africa meant we were a bit behind in ‘new releases’ so all I really got was Get The Party Started. I wasn’t impressed by the song on the radio because it wasn’t really the type of thing I listened to and also the artist sounded totally pompous… BUT then I saw the music video. At this point in my life I was still very set on becoming a movie director so I judged all things visually with a harsh air of pretentious arrogance (yes those are both synonyms for pompous… ironic). I was surprised to find out how young the artist was, I was also pleasantly surprised by the humour in the video… it gave the song a new depth and to me that is exactly what music videos were suppose to do. So that was my first encounter with P!nk. During the next 5years there wasn’t a lot of P!nk in my life but I did come across ‘You Make Me Sick’ I found the music video… disturbing and frustrating… I loved the car spinning upside down; I loved the throwing stuff fight but the whole naked rose pedals thing freaked me out – I know it had to do with the whole ‘war of roses’ theme but at that age the whole naked famous person in a video made me feel like she was selling out to an image and that disappointed me a bit. In her defence, she was still pretty young and new to the industry.

A couple of years went by and unawares to me, P!nk was a busy girl and turned into an amazing women who went after everything she wanted and didn’t mind opening up about everything that she was facing. In 2009 I was working in a 5* hotel in London and we were in the middle of trying to win – ok steal – a huge client from 2 other top hotels. It may not sound like a big deal but this account was worth a lot of money so the pressure was on and there were 4 of us who were still studying Hospitality Management and we really wanted to prove ourselves… we were good at what we did and we always wanted to finish what we started, which in this case meant that we were at the hotel every day from 5am until 2am the next day (most days we didn’t even go home, we crashed in a random hotel room – benefit of working in one – or just drank a lot of coffee to get through the day) for 5days a week for 6weeks. We also had other functions to attend to during this time so don’t think we had a day off… a slow day was one where we actually got to go home or worked less than 16hours. We had a huge team of inexperienced guys that we needed to control and motivate. So during the first week we were in the Ballroom and resetting for lunch and the Gigantic Screens were down playing Sky News and we sort of looked at each other and realized that we could change the channel and put on MTV. As we did this, So What by P!nk started playing and everyone picked up the pace. Needles to say: the song got stuck in my head – first time that I heard it. Around 2pm we were clearing up after lunch and people were getting quite tired and irritable. Most of our morning team would be leaving in an hour at which point we would be getting fresh reinforcements. Those of us pulling double shifts were slightly irritated by the complaints of people who would be able to rest in an hours time leaving us behind to complete another 11hours of non stop work… and in a spontaneous fashion which was highly unusual of me I sang ‘Nanananananana I wanna start a fight!’ and everyone laughed. It was at this point that I realized that music could relieve the tension and that I didn’t know the rest of that song… I also called the song ‘I wanna start a fight’ and was quickly corrected by a few French Fans who continued to educate me about all things P!nk and that lead to a marathon of listening to all of her albums.

I fell in love with ‘Long Way To Happy’ on I’m Not Dead and as I finished reading the words in the album cover booklet I glanced over at the credits and saw A.Moore listed as writer on almost every song of the album… It didn’t get it just then, I had to google it before I realized that A.Moore was P!nk… Alecia Beth Moore.

This changed everything! She went from an ok singer who made a few cool music videos to an artist who was daring to bear her soul to an unforgiving world. There were still so few artists who were actually good enough to write their own songs and few of those actually write about their own experiences. I simply had to hear more of this honesty and with the magic of the music store down the road, I had them all! At work ‘So What’ became our theme song. Every time we got frustrated or tired or just annoyed we started singing and everything seemed less stressful. So at the end of the event we were all exhausted but we survived and we won the clients over. One of the chefs who were with us through it all bought us tickets to P!nk’s Funhouse show at the O2.

Even though I was pretty hooked on her writing, I hated live shows because I use to organize them and feel sort of left out watching them rather than being behind the scenes – probably why I did so well with event management at the hotel. So when we decided to go to the show, it was more like a joke. Just a way for us to celebrate that we survived a hectic month and I didn’t expect much, we even got tickets quite far in the stands and it was more about us than P!nk – I feel like I should apologize here… Any way, P!nk sounds a million times better live than on an album! She also came out and did an entire song on a couch! A couch!!! I didn’t think that was possible; how can you spend 5min in the exact same spot and keep the attention of thousands of people? Well she definitely kept our attention! And then there were all of these insane acrobatics and Cirque du Soleil stuff that would scare the crap out of most people and she did all of it while singing live!! Yes LIVE!! While hanging upside down! Without a harness!! She sounded amazing!! She was funny – even after almost falling because her silks were not properly secured! As if that’s not enough, she slowed it down and sat at the edge of the stage – barefoot – singing ‘Please Don’t Leave Me’ accompanied only by her guitarist… It was amazing!!!

Anyway, moving on from the awesomeness that is P!nk singing live: what impressed me most was her faith in humanity. What I mean by that is that the songs she wrote was so open and honest and raw and the fact that she was sharing her experience and views knowing full well that the world will judge her for every single word but she had faith that for every one who judged her, one person would accept her and thank her for allowing them to feel less alone. She is willing to take on issues most people tip toe around or feel to embarrassed to talk about and she’s doing this because to her writing is therapy and sharing her realizations might just help someone else who is also trying to fight through the same pain…

I’ve always said that I like music but I don’t really have a particular artist I like… until P!nk. I am a fan. I am a P!nk Fucker. I am an underdog! I am fighting my demons and willing to stand up for those who are doing the same. I always felt like I came late to the P!nk party but recently I’ve realized that that is the best thing that could have happened. If I had listened to Can’t Take Me Home religiously, I might have fallen into the trap of believing that P!nk was just an angry teenage girl who was the anti-Britney but instead I skipped right to the awesome part; the part where P!nk started showing Alecia Moore to the world… I am completely in awe of P!nk and don’t see that changing anytime soon!

Every song that comes out of her heart is even better than the one before; as a fan we have the opportunity to grow with her and usually end up learning something about ourselves as well or at least having one of those I-feel-that-way-too moments. Being a Fucker is way more than listening to P!nk’s music, it means you care about the things she cares about… it means you understand what she feels… it means you connect with other people who feel the same way she does and essentially the same way you do… you connect with people on the other side of the world of different ages who have felt the same emotions depicted in her songs. So I will always be a P!nk Underdog…

Today I’m not okay

Remember that day, when you asked me if I was ok

I said I was fine and honestly I felt perfectly alive

But I said that the day would arrive

When I wasn’t alright and then I’d come to you

Well that’s today… Today I’m not ok

 

I just don’t know if I know what to say

In all fairness I should be fine today

Nothing really logical about all of this

Yet I can’t keep the tears inside

My emotions: a rollercoaster I’m too tired to ride

But it finds me anyway, nowhere left to hide

 

Remember that day, when you asked me if I was ok

I said I was fine and honestly I felt perfectly alive

But I said that the day would arrive

When I wasn’t alright and then I’d come to you

Well that’s today… Today I’m not ok

 

Don’t know how to get this conversation underway

It’s been so long since you asked me if I was ok

I’d like to pretend I don’t really mean this

Maybe if I ignore my feelings they’d recede

Suppress and depress seem to be on the same speed

Scribble thoughts, crush them and throw away the seed

 

Remember that day, when you asked me if I was ok

I said I was fine and honestly I felt perfectly alive

But I said that the day would arrive

When I wasn’t alright and then I’d come to you

Well that’s today… Today I’m not ok

 

I’d like to sit here and pretend everything’s just gay

Somehow my imagination won’t let me stay

Have to face my demons; to deal with this

Can’t do this on my own this time

Been holding my head above water as I mime

‘I need help’ but can’t seem to ask out of rhyme

 

Remember that day, when you asked me if I was ok

I said I was fine and honestly I felt perfectly alive

But I said that the day would arrive

When I wasn’t alright and then I’d come to you

Well that’s today… Today I’m not ok

 

The veil of sanity I created can’t veto the doom ray

Ready to lighten the load right where I lay

Must start somewhere and the score is this

Incapable of letting it slide any longer

Have to fight my battles and hope I’ll get stronger

Please take my hand and show me how to conquer

 

I need you today because today I’m not ok…

Pieces That Don’t Fit

This is the last of our ‘By the fire’ ramblings I’ll be posting. We all feel like the world crumbles down around us but when you spend some time with true friends, you’re reminded how brilliant life is despite all the confusion.

*****

I need a moment … just one moment

To reflect on me. To cut through the bullshit.

And see my face. Person staring back at me is a phantom

Never saw those dark eyes before

Where did they come from? What did I dissolve into?

 

Tossing and turning, dreams that just won’t stop

Decoding my emotions, why are there no instructions?

If I could only wake up to see the dawn

Everything I overheard, just pieces that don’t fit

 

I need a moment… just one moment

To reflect on me. To cut through the bullshit.

And see my face. Person staring back at me is a phantom

Never saw those dark eyes before

Where did I come from? What am I dissolving into?

 

Ducking under the covers, burry my head in a corner

Wishing I could remember or at least forget.

Stuck in limbo, fighting with my pillow

Touching on the truth but not quite there, yet

 

I need a moment … just one moment

To reflect on me. To cut through the bullshit.

And see my face. Person staring back at me is a phantom

Never saw those dark eyes before

How long will they stay with me? What will I dissolve into?

 

Kicking off the duvet, borrow my teddy’s courage

Don’t know anymore than yesterday. I’m still me

Maybe it doesn’t matter, coz I can’t let it. I won’t let it

It’s the smell of success that trumps the stench of doubt

 

I’ll take a moment… just one moment

To reflect on me. To cut through the bullshit. (Be honest)

And see my face. Person staring back at me is just me

Never saw through those deep eyes before

When did I become so tall? Let the puzzle dissolve too

 

It’s the pieces that don’t fit

That makes life worth the effort….

It’s worth the effort…

I’m worth the effort

*****

Thank you guys for sharing this weekend with me. The lack of sleep was totally worth it! You’re the best!

Keep the faith

Obviously being friends means that we’re constantly giving each other advice. This little thing is about how that advice isn’t always easy to accept or take, no matter how well you intend it.

*****

We all have choices

But I fail to see the truth in that phrase

In moments like these everyone spews

They give their two cents and a little bit more

Telling us about the greater plan

‘Keep faith’ ‘All will be revealed’

 

What if I fail miserably?

What if I’m just not strong enough?

What if I let you down?

Shouldn’t living be simple?

Shouldn’t life be grand?

 

We all have choices

It’s such an empty phrase

Right now I fear my choice has been made

You say you understand but you really can’t

Stop playing wise-men; I’m not listening when you say

‘Keep faith’ ‘All will be revealed’

 

What if I just don’t want to?

What if everything will be different?

What if I turn my back on you?

Shouldn’t living have more options?

Shouldn’t life be sacred?

 

We all have choices

I question the truth in that phrase

Today I see their expressed sorrows

Their offer to help is like a slap in the face

Wanting to fix it all by myself

‘Keep faith’ ‘All will be revealed’

 

What if I can’t do it?

What if I want to run instead?

What if I let you down?

Shouldn’t things be clearer?

Shouldn’t life make sense?

 

We all have choices

Analyzing the truth in that phrase

In the hardest of times we need to come together

Don’t need to talk in proverbs

Just be there and share the prayers

‘Keep faith’ ‘All will be revealed’

 

Maybe it takes a little longer

Maybe my plans have to change

Maybe you know better

Maybe living is enough

Maybe life gets better

 

We all have choices

Remembering the truth in that phrase

My true strength comes out today

All of you did your part to get me here

Thank you for being stronger

‘Keep faith’ ‘All will be revealed’

 

So what if I fail

So what if it’s different

So what as long as you love me

So what if things could be clearer

So what! Coz life will get better

*****

Still

A few of my friends and I had a girls-night that turned into a girls weekend and even though we had loads of fun, we also took time to reflect on recent events and somewhere around 2am, just sitting outside by the fire, we wrote down a few things. This is one of them…

*****

Not in the mood to really talk about it

Just wanna lie here and die

Torn into a million pieces

How long can I still cry?

 

You let me go and I’m still falling

Still in silence; lying still

Still still; so still

 

Never noticed the noise in the distance

Draw the curtains, just to see the wall

Inside my castle, rather a dungeon

Embraced by darkness

 

You let me go and I’m still falling

Still in silence; lying still

Still still; so still

 

All this anger, totally wasted

Hugging my pillow, looking for warmth

Alone on my island of feathers and springs

Can you see my SOS?

 

You let me go and I’m still falling

Still in silence; lying still

Still still; so still

 

Touching the ceiling I can’t break through

The height is hasty my teddies will catch me

Plummet to the earth as it shock me

Time to wake up and face the world

 

You let me go and I’m still falling

Still in silence; lying still

Still still; so still

 

Whisper through the silence and scream through the darkness…

*****

Stuck in the aftermath

I’m having a weird day of missing my cousin and hating her at the same time… That’s actually a pretty big deal, since I don’t hate~ it wastes way too much energy! And we use to be great together… Anyway, this is just how I feel about the person I use to respect more than anything else in the entire world.

Stuck in the aftermath:

*****

Flipping through old images of us

I forgot how beautiful you are

Blame the ugliness between us

Maybe it’s time to heal this scar

 

Said some things I’m sure I meant

Don’t remember the exact event

Would apologize if I had the guts

But I might just act even more nuts

So instead we’re stuck in the aftermath

Love turned into a wordy blood bath

 

Whatever it is you said hit a bull’s-eye

Wanted to shove you down the stairs

Wished I could just give up and say die

Maybe you were testing who cares

 

Said some things I’m sure I meant

Don’t remember the exact event

Would apologize if I had the guts

But I might just act even more nuts

So instead we’re stuck in the aftermath

Love turned into a wordy blood bath

 

I’d love to hug you and talk again

Just can’t seem to remember why

Why it was fun walking in the rain?

Maybe it was our way to say goodbye

 

Said some things I’m sure I meant

Don’t remember the exact event

Would apologize if I had the guts

But I might just act even more nuts

So instead we’re stuck in the aftermath

Love turned into a wordy blood bath

 

Our passion was just too intense

I’m sure we use to be friends

It just doesn’t make any sense

Maybe this was the way it ends

 

Said some things I’m sure I meant

Don’t remember the exact event

Would apologize if I had the guts

But I might just act even more nuts

So instead we’re stuck in the aftermath

Love turned into a wordy blood bath

 

Should I forgive and forget you?

Do you even think about me at all?

Will you apologize as courtesy too?

Maybe I’m not ready for this wall to fall

*****

AM

Moving Forward

I’m having a weird day of missing my cousin and hating her at the same time… That’s actually a pretty big deal, since I don’t hate~ it wastes way too much energy! And we use to be great together… Anyway, this is just how I feel about the person I use to respect more than anything else in the entire world.


 


Stuck in the aftermath:


*****


Flipping through old images of us


I forgot how beautiful you are


Blame the ugliness between us


Maybe it’s time to heal this scar


 


Said some things I’m sure I meant


Don’t remember the exact event


Would apologize if I had the guts


But I might just act even more nuts


So instead we’re stuck in the aftermath


Love turned into a wordy blood bath


 


Whatever it is you said hit a bull’s-eye


Wanted to shove you down the stairs


Wished I could just give up and say die


Maybe you were testing who cares


 


Said some things I’m sure I meant


Don’t remember the exact event


Would apologize if I had the guts


But I might just act even more nuts


So instead we’re stuck in the aftermath


Love turned into a wordy blood bath


 


I’d love to hug you and talk again


Just can’t seem to remember why


Why it was fun walking in the rain?


Maybe it was our way to say goodbye


 


Said some things I’m sure I meant


Don’t remember the exact event


Would apologize if I had the guts


But I might just act even more nuts


So instead we’re stuck in the aftermath


Love turned into a wordy blood bath


 


Our passion was just too intense


I’m sure we use to be friends


It just doesn’t make any sense


Maybe this was the way it ends


 


Said some things I’m sure I meant


Don’t remember the exact event


Would apologize if I had the guts


But I might just act even more nuts


So instead we’re stuck in the aftermath


Love turned into a wordy blood bath


 


Should I forgive and forget you?


Do you even think about me at all?


Will you apologize as courtesy too?


Maybe I’m not ready for this wall to fall


*****


AM

A Christmas Prayer

Uhm, changed my mind…. I wrote this a few days before Christmas, while I was missing my family and the big Christmas parties we use to have. After my grandmother died of cancer a few years ago, our family has slowly been going our separate ways and Christmas was the last symbol of our family unity that’s starting to dissolve…

So here’s: Christmas Prayer

*****

Tear drops gently remind me

A long time ago, just a memory

We’d dance and sing and be happy

Around a sparkling Christmas tree

Together one great big family

 

Will these feelings ever subside?

Or are they as determined as the ocean tide

Tumbling about searching for a guide

Duck beneath a wave so I can hide

Just for a second I’m in control of this emotional ride

Barely floating but at least I tried

 

Tear drops gently remind me

A long time ago, just a memory

We’d dance and sing and be happy

Around a sparkling Christmas tree

Together one great big family

 

Use to be a happy thought now just grave

Lying on the dirt road they forgot to pave

Attention is not what I crave

Watching cars pass by as they wave

Stay here long enough to forget everything you gave

I’ve become merely someone to save

 

Tear drops gently remind me

A long time ago, just a memory

We’d dance and sing and be happy

Around a sparkling Christmas tree

Together one great big family

 

Our numbers are dwindling

Rather stay in my one man meeting

No one needs to know my courage is fleeting

Drown in bubbles as I’m bathing

Recapture a moment of childhood trusting

Cold water brings me back to doubting

 

Tear drops gently remind me

A long time ago, just a memory

We’d dance and sing and be happy

Around a sparkling Christmas tree

Together one great big family

 

Just trying to make it through the day

Nights are worse as I listen to what the stars say

Years later I’m starting to stray

Having trouble seeing the beauty as I pray

Give me strength to see your way

Lead me to once again see the sun’s ray

*****

Sharing my view,

AM

Do you love him? Yes, I do

Here’s the last random thing I forgot I wrote: Do you love him?

*****

Do you love him? Yes, yes I do.

It’s so not like me, this isn’t what I do. I don’t do vulnerable yet I really love you

I’m not use to staring out the wind with tears in my eyes as you drive away

I’m not the kind of person who waits to hear what others has to say

When it comes to you every rule I ever had

Flies out the window with the notepad

I’m too scared of loving you this much but the alternative of loosing you is not even an option I can stomach

I try to eat but the food doesn’t really dull how much I miss you

I can’t explain it in words or even thoughts

I can’t pretend I don’t feel it and I don’t think I can tell you

I want to say that every time you go away I want to run in front of your car and jump on the hood screaming: don’t go!

But that won’t happen… I’m too guarded and protective

I want my thoughts to stay my own and sharing is a new concept to me

I’m scattered in thoughts and lost in emotions pulling me into 68 different directions

Maybe we should talk or maybe I should just smile quietly

Will you believe what you feel when I think of you or do you need me to say it out loud?

Do you need me to take your hand and say I love you or will that split second look be enough?

Can I hold your hand tightly while you sleep jerking every time you move just to make sure you won’t leave

I missed you before you even left and I cried inside when I couldn’t reach your hand

Happiness is not a big enough word for what I feel when you are around

I feel your arms around me when you’re not there and I wonder if you feel me too?

*****

Don’t know if any of you will even understand what I meant when I wrote it but hey, if I never show you, I’ll never know…

Sharing my view,

AM

Apologize To A Dead Man

Since I’m sharing loads of things today, I thought I’d share this thing I wrote about my dad awhile ago: Apologize to a dead man

*****

Have you ever felt that it was your time to die?

Absolutely certain that the end was near

And you had to make amends, the last chance to fly

Terrified but confident, not going to show fear

 

Have you ever had to live with the mistake?

Knowing the torment you endured was his cross?

Should have helped him but were too wrapped up in yourself?

Have you ever had to apologize… to a dead man?

 

Have you ever felt that you could read their mind?

Know what everyone’s thinking, word for word

Creeping you out but loving the wisdom you find

Wavering but standing, have to pull the safety cord

 

Have you ever had to live with the mistake?

Knowing the torment you endured was his cross?

Should have helped him but were too wrapped up in yourself?

Have you ever had to apologize… to a dead man?

 

Have you ever felt like you could feel all emotion?

Felt the pain of those around you before they see

Empathy for those a million miles over the ocean

Paralyzed but healing, hug them till it kills me

 

Have you ever had to live with the mistake?

Knowing the torment you endured was his cross?

Should have helped him but were too wrapped up in yourself?

Have you ever had to apologize… to a dead man?

 

Have you ever woken up and realized it wasn’t you?

Sulking without true reason as pity triumphed

Saddened by the knowledge that you didn’t have a clue

Relieved but angry, life not lived is wasted

 

Have you ever had to live with the mistake?

Knowing the torment you endured was his cross?

Should have helped him but were too wrapped up in yourself?

Have you ever had to apologize… to a dead man?

*****

Sharing my view,

AM

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