Posts Tagged ‘Friend’

Inspirational Song Of The Day

First you hear the melody and your fingers start to tap… Before you know it, your head is nodding in rhythm and you start to smile as the first line of your favorite song is blasting through the speakers!

As you sing along, every word of every line seems to have been written just for you about your life. In that moment you know that you are not alone! Whatever you are going through, someone else has also been there and they survived to sing about it. And so can you…

We had this amazing friend Lacey Crawford who was incredibly talented and loved pouring her heart out in we music and we will always remember her laugh… Sadly she was suffering from depression and her internal loneliness overwhelmed the love surrounding her, which prevented her from seeing her options clearly and in November 2010 she took her own life. We have dedicated the Don’t Lose Your Grip account to reminding everyone (including ourselves) that life is worth living and there is always someone who loves you, you just have to hold on a little longer…

If you ever need to talk, just message us on twitter and will be there in a heartbeat

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Thought About It Once

So a lot of people have been talking about depression and suicide and how close they’ve come to ending it all. I know I’ve spoken about this before but the fact that so many people I barely know have come up to me in the last few days and just opened up, made me think it’s time for me to open up a bit more too.

Now I never actually got to the point of holding a gun to my head or buying those pills but mostly I think that’s due to my procrastination tendencies… Even when a few of my friends were discussing it in High School, I always brushed it off saying, sure I’d do it if I didn’t have to finish this project or have that meeting next week. It’s like I’ve always had more important things to do than take my life. I was always more concerned about the people I left behind and what they’d have to deal with if I wasn’t here… So I never quite managed to process the thought.

Besides, I always thought I’d never live to see my 19th birthday anyway… However, in London I had a lot of time [mostly on the trains and busses] to think and maybe only out of boredom I did derive a plan to fake my own death. It’s not exactly the same but it’s as close as I can get… Honestly I just love my life way too much to consider giving up on it. I wake up for the challenges and couldn’t imagine leaving the amazing people I share my days with.

However, there is a history of severe depression in my family. I only heard about this after my dad’s death, mostly because the family was concerned about my grandfather going in the same direction… Oddly none of those people ever worried about me or my dad’s brother sinking into a depressed state.

I was never an overly emotional child so laughing out loud wasn’t exactly a trait people associated with me but then again, I’ve always been an optimist so they never really saw me on my sad days. Being in London with my uncle brought up a lot of memories and we had a few discussions about how the weather can make a bad situation seem even worse and how giving up can seem so easy when you have the cold to use as an excuse for staying in bed. We made each other this promise to never stay in bed more than 20hours without calling the other. Just in case…

The hardest thing I’ve noticed about depression is that you usually don’t even realize you’re depressed until it gets to the point where you’re too upset to leave the safety of your bed and getting a drink of water seems like too much of an effort so instead you just go back to your shattered dreams.

I had s while in London when I really couldn’t figure out what I was still doing there and my pillow became my best friend. But one of my house mates wouldn’t let me sulk and crawl into my dark corner. I didn’t make it easy for him! I’m one of those people who could stay inside my room for a week without letting in fresh air. So he really had to work hard to get me out of my concrete bubble, luckily for me he didn’t take ‘No’ for an answer… He got me to do things I forgot I liked. We made memories I will cherish to my old age and according to him, he did it to save himself.

Apparently he was struggling to find meaning to life and ready to give up but the fact that I took time at work to talk to him and expect more from him than just the bare minimum, made him want to spend time with me and return the favour. He saved both our lives with a bucket of KFC and the Leon Schuster DVD Collection.

I don’t know what to say to anyone contemplating taking their life or even someone who is self mutilating. Who am I to judge them or their lives anyway… But I do know the thoughts that use to run through my head 24/7. I also know how tough the world can be and what it’s like to be so overwhelmed by depression that you feel utter alone even when you are surrounded by love. When dark clouds prevent you from seeing the hope, there will be one person who forces their way into your life and won’t leave until you can stand on your own two feet again, no matter how many times you push them away.

If you don’t have at least one person in your life that’ll be willing to drag you out of bed and take you to a rock concert when all you want to do is die, then make it happen! Find that someone; reach out to the people in your life or if you don’t think you can muster that, then give me shout on Twitter @am_mf or reach out to the people from TWLOHA

Everyone deserves to feel special! Go find people who let you know that you are their entire world and when you do, don’t let them go. Share the love!

Sharing my view,

AM