Posts Tagged ‘#ItGetsBetter’

It Should Get Easier

So last week I was rather positive regardless of the circumstances but today I started to feel the positivity fade drastically. It’s like one second it’s all awesome and sunshine and roses and the next it’s all doom and gloom.

So today I was trying to cling to the last bit of positive energy I had left and 15min to 5 it left… it’s amazing how much can go wrong in just 8hours and it’s amazing how complicated things can get in that time. It should get easier shouldn’t it? It’s not like I’m a rocket scientist or a surgeon who has life or death pressure on their shoulders every day. I have a normal job and a year and a half after I starting it, I still feel overwhelmed every day; I still feel incompetent and I still feel like I am a failure. The obvious answer is to quit and get out because clearly it is not healthy for me but the sad truth is that no one here can do my job either… I can’t let the people I work with down by not doing my best but at the same time I… I’m just lost… I guess today was a tough one and I want to believe that tomorrow will be better and that I won’t feel this bad or at least that I will feel better about myself… but by now I know myself well enough to know that the only way that will happen is if I make it so.

I have to choose positive to band I have to fight to not let the negativity overwhelm me. After all of these years of dealing with depression, it should get easier right? Well, I guess in the most respects it has – it’s easier to see it coming; I know that it doesn’t last forever; I have ways of getting through the negative moment and I have learned to make sure that I fully appreciate the good times but sometimes I just wish that I could have an easy day…

While I take my lavender bath and drink my camomile tea and listen to the amazing P!nk, I’m going to take a few deep breaths and try to change these voices in my head – you know, and make them like me instead…

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Love Never Fails

So… it’s been 2 years and a day since Lacey took her life.

It feels like just yesterday we were all on Skype and yet it also feels like a lifetime has passed. I remember finding out and not believing it at all! I remember the shock that followed and resulted in me almost withdrawing from social media forever. I remember the comfort I found talking to Chrisselle about it and being able to go through all of the steps of grieving including anger, without feeling guilty. I remember the first time I felt like I could smile again when someone mentioned her name. I remember when I could finally watch Lacey’s videos on YouTube without completely breaking down. I remember when Chrisselle first suggested Don’t Lose Your Grip and I finally had something proactive I could do to find a way to deal with this loss.

See, loosing someone you love is always hard but when you lose them to suicide it is so much harder to deal with. Are you allowed to feel guilty about not being able to save them? Are you allowed to be angry because they left you? Are you allowed to feel sad when society judges them as cowards? Are you allowed to celebrate their life, when the world only sees how it came to an end? Are you allowed to bargain for a life that was not yours? Do you deny the way it ended or do you accept it? With all death: there are no real rules and with suicide you also have all of these unwritten rules that are based on ignorance and stigmas and you have to fight through all of that pain and sorrow just to get to a point where you can breathe again. To me, that is exactly what Don’t lose Your Grip is.

You have to make a choice to remember the person that you knew and not allow the world to force you to only see them for the last decision they ever made. You have to stand up for them and defend the person that you loved without others thinking that you are promoting suicide. You have to find a way to help others understand something that you barely do… Two years later, I still do not have all of the answers. I don’t think I ever will but in the meantime, there are people out there who have the same passions that Lacey did; there are people out there who share her amazing laugh and there are people out there who are also feeling the pain she did and too scared to talk about it or ask for help because of the fear that they might be judged or cast out. And that hurt me almost as much as loosing Lacey. The fact that someone out there could use a friend or just someone who is willing to listen and here I am, able to do both, yet I’d rather sulk and feel sorry for myself? That was not acceptable to me. Lacey would not approve.

I truly believe that all of us are capable of changing the world and ending the stigmas surrounding mental health, all we have to do is open up. Every conversation we are willing to have about our experiences, brings us one step closer to a world that we can actually be proud of.

So, if you’ve lost someone to suicide then you will understand that it is not easy and that final act does not take away from all of the amazing moments you shared with that person. It does not suddenly destroy your love for them or diminish the effect they had on your life. Remembering the person is not always easy when all society wants you to remember is that “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” clichés do not always bring comfort and time does not always heal, sometimes you need to share and talk about it… And that is exactly what Don’t Lose Your Grip is: a massive support group where you can talk about your experiences without worrying that you’ll be judged.

We have the power to change the way people remember our friends and our family members who forgot for one moment in time that Love Never Fails… And all we have to do is talk about it.

Love Never Fails

Stop Self Hate

As you guys know by now we’ve been pretty focused on Don’t Lose Your Grip and spreading the word about trusting your own self-worth and helping others to find theirs.

The great thing about our Twitter account is all the people we’ve met. The way the world is going it seemed to me like we were the only ones who were this annoyed with the way people were treating each other, as it turns out: we’re not alone!

The responses we’ve been getting has been overwhelming in such a great way and it’s brilliant to see how so many people are willing to be open and honest about all of their problems and sharing their hope and strength not just with us but everyone involved. One of the people I came across recently is Kendra Sebelius. She’s started a movement called ‘Stop Self Hate’. Like ours it’s relatively new but the concept has been around for ages… Basically, being mean to yourself is easy but being nice to yourself takes work. Any of you P!nk underdogs out there will remember Alecia saying the same thing on her Try This tour DVD, as well as with one of her latest songs ‘F***ing Perfect’.

Stop Self Hate is focused on teaching you and me and everyone who’s willing to listen, how to change the voices in their head and well, stop the self hatred we keep holding on to. Simple things we can do every day, it truly makes a difference… The greatest thing I’ve learned over the last 3 weeks of our project is how quickly it spreads: if you can love yourself and be confident and comfortable, you give the people around you permission to be confident and comfortable too. It’s actually quite simple! Which is why I find it laughable that we as the human race didn’t figure this out sooner?

Seriously! How ridiculous is it that we can create all sorts of crazy electronics yet we can’t find the courage to be nice to each other or even ourselves? So I applaud Kendra and every single one of you who are willing to step up and put in the work to be nice to yourself and stop self hate! We are at an incredible impasse and we have this amazing opportunity to change the world back to a place we actually want to live in. Take this opportunity!!! You know I can make it about saving the world or saving your best friend but ultimately it comes down to you. You can’t take responsibility for the entire world, trust me it’ll drive you crazy. However, you can take responsibility for yourself and you can stop self hate and you can allow yourself to be amazing!

So you, yes I really do mean you reading these words somewhere around the world! Do yourself a favour and check out Stop Self Hate and if you’re part of the Twitter universe you owe it to yourself to follow @stopselfhate and @voiceinrecovery.

Just on a side note though: There are some really amazing people in this world and they are doing brilliant things that you and I can be part of. I applaud Chrisselle for her honest vulnerability every single day and find tremendous inspiration in it. I wish all of you could meet her and draw strength from her the way I do…

As always, you know you can reach me on twitter or at @dontloseyourgrip.

Much love,

AM