Posts Tagged ‘Love’

Inspirational Song Of The Day

First you hear the melody and your fingers start to tap… Before you know it, your head is nodding in rhythm and you start to smile as the first line of your favorite song is blasting through the speakers!

As you sing along, every word of every line seems to have been written just for you about your life. In that moment you know that you are not alone! Whatever you are going through, someone else has also been there and they survived to sing about it. And so can you…

We had this amazing friend Lacey Crawford who was incredibly talented and loved pouring her heart out in we music and we will always remember her laugh… Sadly she was suffering from depression and her internal loneliness overwhelmed the love surrounding her, which prevented her from seeing her options clearly and in November 2010 she took her own life. We have dedicated the Don’t Lose Your Grip account to reminding everyone (including ourselves) that life is worth living and there is always someone who loves you, you just have to hold on a little longer…

If you ever need to talk, just message us on twitter and will be there in a heartbeat

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Feelings that don’t go away

A few years ago I wrote Today I’m Not Okay shortly after my dad died. To be very honest I remember why I wrote it and I remember everything that led to me writing it but I don’t actually remember writing it.

 

I just remember sitting down feeling frustrated because everyone was so worried about me and my mom and they were trying to help but they ended up just getting on our nerves. Plus, I really don’t like being told how I should feel even when it is with the best intensions and in the form of “It’s okay to feel…” So I took the same pen and book I’ve been using for the last few weeks while my dad was in hospital and we were planning the future and our life without him and in this same book I wrote a letter to everyone I knew saying thank you for caring but back off!

 

So 6 years on I’ve been spending today trying to hide my pain and sadness and last night I even tried alcohol which would usually at least make me a bit sleepy but instead it had no effect whatsoever… I guess my emotions are just a lot stronger than anything else at the moment. So on top of my regular insomnia I had absolutely no sleep what so ever last night and don’t foresee myself getting drowsy tonight either ( but I sure will try every trick I in the book). And for some unfathomable reason work decided to call a meeting tonight full of slideshow presentations and 10 staff members all getting the floor for 20min a piece and I couldn’t really get out of it. To be fair, I didn’t try that hard.

 

See, a small part of me hoped that if I had something else to do today that I would be able to ignore the pain, after all, what makes today any different from yesterday? It’s not like my dad is any more dead than he was that first night… Or like I miraculously found the solution to grief… Or like I love him any less or remember his love any less for that matter… A part of me wanted to believe that simply being around people would fix it. But that only works when the people in question actually know that there is something that needs fixing…

 

Anyway, I walked out of the meeting a few minutes ago and I will be faced with a lot of questions from everyone who stayed. It’s funny how I don’t trust these people enough to tell them that I am not okay yet my brain believes that they have the power to fix it. Sort of reminds me of the moment that the doctor fist told us that they couldn’t ‘fix’ his stroke with the surgery and as the words awkwardly fell out of his mouth I kept on thinking ‘just take it back’ ‘rewind and say that you made a mistake’ ‘could Ashton Kutcher jump out and say you’ve been Punked already?’ Like he had the power to change this chaos simply by speaking it. And even though this isn’t true for his illness, it does make a difference in recovery! One thing I have learned is that speaking up and asking for help gives you the power back and yet, here I sit after running away from the people I’ve spent most of the last year with….

 

So here’s me saying: Today I’m Not Okay. Today I am sad because I really, really miss my dad and all of the memories we will never have the opportunity to have. I want to hug my dad one more time! I want to be able to remember the last moments we had together without bursting into tears. I want to be able to not worry about 25 May every year! I want to smile when someone talks about their fathers or their wedding day or not cry like a little baby every time I watch a movie with a funeral in it or get INCREDIBLY sad every time someone mentions that they lost their dads…

 

I was sort of hoping that by writing this I would have a similar kind of insight that I had all those years ago but I guess that didn’t really work out so instead all of you spent the last few minutes reading my sad sob story with no real epiphany… Sorry but let me try to selvage it by letting you in on one thing I have learned: letting it out, even if it is just by admitting it to yourself during convenient the excuse of a sad movie, does help!

 

So don’t ever apologize for showing your emotions because when you do so, you are apologizing for the truth… Hey, guess I did learn something, tomorrow when asked why I ducked out of a ‘very important’ meeting, I will through a quote at them and maybe I’ll be able to trust one of them enough to tell them the whole truth…

 

Here’s hoping

Mother’s Day

So tomorrow is mothers day… I don’t even have the interest to write it with capital letters. In my older years I seem to have become cynical. Like I don’t understand the fascination anymore.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother and I am so thankful for everything she has done for me but it’s not like I need a day to tell my mother any of this. I tell her this every week, sometimes more often and if you knew me, you’d understand that a week in my time is like a blink of the eye so if I manage to speak to someone more than once in a week it really is huge.

I guess what I’m feeling right now is that a gimmick of getting people to spend money in order to prove that they love the woman who gave birth to them is making me pretty angry. A mother is someone who wipes your tears when you fall out of a tree for the first time; who gently explains to you that writing on walls is not appropriate; who holds you tightly while explaining the circle of life when your dog dies; who helps you prepare for your first dance and picks up the pieces when all of your dreams fall apart… The woman who makes those phone calls you are too scared to make; who accepts your apologies even when they’ve heard it a thousand times before.

Right now I’m in that 20+ stage where I don’t need my mother to pay my bills or feed me, I don’t even really need her to give me advice as much either, I just need her to be my friend… And for that I can say thank you and I love you and I appreciate you every single day, I don’t think one little 24hour day is enough to say thank you to someone who has been there for me my whole life; I don’t think a card will ever make up for all of the mistakes I’ve made or even will still make; I don’t think flowers can be enough payment for all of the advice she gave me or the times she listened to my ’emergencies’ when she had a lot more going on inside of her. I don’t think that a box of chocolates will make up for her showing me that it is okay to cry and that the bravest thing you can do is show your emotions. All the breakfasts in the world can not be thanks enough for the lessons I learned simply by watching her when she didn’t even notice.

I love my mother and yes, I will be calling her to say this but not because it’s Mother’s Day just because it happens to be the day we have a Skype date planned, I don’t need an excuse to thank my mother for loving me

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Dear Child of Mine

Dear child of mine,

I’m writing this before I’ve met you; before I’ll make promises I can’t keep; before I dream up a future you might not want; before I hurt you and before I fail at being a mother.

I’m writing this letter to you while I still remember what it is like to grow up. While I still have my common sense and before my better judgement is over ruled by emotions I’ll over react to. One thing I know for sure is that I’ll love you. No matter how many times we disagree on silly little things or how many times our wires get crossed, I will always love you!

It’s hard enough growing up and finding yourself without having someone constantly reminding you of all the things you should live up to. Don’t get me wrong, I will always remind you how brilliant you are and that absolutely anything is possible but I will try my hardest to make sure that you never have to experience a look of disappointment on my face. I won’t force you to live up to the twisted standards of the world. I won’t expect anything from you except honesty. I already love you and I haven’t even begun to have you.

Every time I’ll say your name or look into your eyes, I’ll see a masterpiece and be thankful that I can have a small claim to it. But at the end of the day little one, it is your life and I cannot accept praise for your achievements. You are amazing simply for living and everything else you achieve above that, is just icing on the cake.

I will show you the beauty in every day and teach you how to overcome life’s trials and then I will let you go, because ultimately it is your life. Even as I say it right now, I can feel the tears welling up and my confidence in that promise fade but I have time to work on it before you arrive. The world can be scary so if I ever go back on this promise, know that it is because my fear overruled my faith and not because my love for you is reduced.

You are the child I will call mine one day in the future and you are the one I will love forever after.

Your future mother,

AM

All over again!

It’s been a while since I posted something. Partially because I’ve been writing things for my baby cousin instead and spent a little time telling the people in my life what I was thinking directly and not via social media.

It’s paid off. I’ve been having a bit of a hectic month. I’m looking for a new job; the place we were supposed to move to at the end of the month is no longer available so I desperately need a room to rent and my mother and her boyfriend are coming to visit in 2 weeks which is quite stressful. It’s not that I don’t love seeing my mother or that I don’t miss her, we just have a long history and as with all Virgo’s in my life I tend to get really stressed out in their presence. All of these crazy things were messing me up to the extent where I was withdrawing from the one person I love most in this world.

I was getting snippy and overreacting to everything JS was saying and it got to the point where I considered pretending to be asleep when he got home so that I wouldn’t have to talk to him. That sucks!!! So the other night he came home really really late and I was a bit sick so I was actually sleeping and he sat next to me on the bed and woke me up and said: “I’m sorry” At first I thought he meant sorry for waking me up, so I just said fine and turned around to continue sleeping but he gently tapped me on the shoulder and said it again: “I’m sorry” And I got it this time!

I can’t really explain how many feelings and emotions came rushing at me that very second but to be able to hug him and hold him and just have a whole conversation with one touch is something truly magical. Anyway, we talked and we said a lot of the things we were keeping bottled up while we were walking on eggshells and as it turns out we have the same fears and doubts. Now that it is out in the open it is so much easier to just be around each other again.

It’s like we get to stop being mad at the situation and focus on all the things we love about being together. This morning I woke up and I couldn’t stop smiling: no matter what! I just keep seeing him and it’s like I fall in love with him all over again every time I hear his voice or think of him. Being in love is amazing but falling in love with that one person you truly love all over again, is even better. We tend to get so distracted by all the crap in our lives that we forget about the amazing people we have to share this life with. 

No matter what life throws at you: You are not alone! It might feel like you are; you might not be able to see how much the people around you care but ultimately, they are still there. You are not alone, so don’t pretend to be. Don’t cut yourself off from the ones who love you, don’t bottle up your emotions, let it out…

 I’m a little out of practice with this whole sharing thing but basically it comes down to this: I love the people in my life and if I let them, they’ll love me too.

The end,

AM

Grandmothers

I know it’s Valentine’s day and the worlds marketing companies would like you to focus all your energy and money on that special someone… but like my friend Chrisselle would say: today is just a day; the same as tomorrow. The question is why aren’t you showing them that you love them every day?! Well, for some reason… today… I’ve been thinking of my grandmothers all day.

Grandmother A died of cancer in 2007. As much as I miss her and wish I could have another conversation with her, I’m really glad for the time we had together. She was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and less than 3 months to live… that was a year and a half before she died! Morphine is a great drug but even that looses its effects after a while. I’m really glad she is not suffering and for the great memories I have of her.

I’ll always remember my excitement when they came to visit. Not because they brought me teddy bears or presents wrapped in shoe boxes but because they loved me. I could see it when I was still in preschool and even the last photo I have of us together it is clear that they loved me and each other. I’ll remember her as the women who took me for walks on the beach at 5am and made me sit on the bench [for what seemed like hours] so that I could watch the waves as she taught me they were all different, yet perfect in their own right. As a 3 year old I didn’t get it and figured she just wanted to get me out of the house so that I wouldn’t wake everyone else up [which is probably partially true]. But as we walked on the beach, my grandmother noticed that I was throwing some shells back and she asked me why I didn’t keep all of them. I simply pointed out that they had holes in them and weren’t perfect anymore, so I didn’t want them. Right there and then my grandmother stopped and showed me the beauty in each of those ‘faulty’ shells. In the beginning I didn’t get why she was making such a big deal about finding the perfection in everything, after all I was only 3 years old. When I was about 11 I asked her about it because I was convinced she did it to be all philosophical and stuff but couldn’t figure out why she only did it with me. She just laughed it off and we never really had that conversation again until I was 18 and her sister’s husband came to visit us. He suffers from OCD [Obsessive Compulsive Disorder] and because she saw the signs of early OCD in me and had knowledge of how to handle it, she taught me how to retrain my brain in a sense. If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be able to walk into most rooms without freaking out. Through those 5am conversations we had during the years, I learned how to find the perfection in everything and focus on that instead of everything that’s wrong. The only 2 side effects are the fact that to this day I still only pick up broken shells because to me they are truly beautiful and the other being that I see the compliment in every insult so you practically need to use neon boards and spell it out for me. Small price to pay for living a fairly normal life.

The thing I miss most about my grandmother is her majestic composure and incredible ability to unite our family only through love. The conversations we had will remain with me forever. I remember when I was also about 4 years old and I said something about our acting president that my aunt and grandmother did not like at all! They stormed out of the room and rushed off to yell at my dad for allowing those thoughts into my head. That fight taught me that it’s alright to disagree with the people you love and have your own opinion. I will never neglect her memory by pretending that my opinion is worth nothing. Even as I was growing up, we had very adult conversations and a part of me believe that she knew she’d never have the opportunity to have those conversations with me when I was actually an adult. I love her for every hug and miss her for every comforting word of wisdom.

But as I’ve said before: I’m very lucky! My dad’s mother [Grandmother B] is still alive. I remember her as being the first person to let me brush my own teeth. Again I was about 3 and I went to stay with her for the weekend. My mother was very over protective and didn’t want me to do it wrong, so she just did it for me. So when my grandmother asked me if my mother allowed me to brush my own teeth, I did the logical thing and lied! Still feel a bit bad about that and should probably apologize but I’ll never forget that sense of independence and having my grandmother there to share it with me. She was also the women who explained to me that the reason my dad was crying was because my baby brother went directly from my mommy’s tummy to heaven. I wasn’t even 4 years old yet and I hadn’t even known my brother but my grandmother didn’t see me as just a little kid, she saw me as the person with all my dad’s wisdom and all my mother’s experience. She explained death in such a way that even though I still [to this day] miss my brother, I was actually really excited for him at that point since he got to go somewhere I haven’t been yet. Somehow in those few simple words she gave me, a 4 year old girl, the strength to support her parents in their very different states of grieving while still allowing me to feel safe and vulnerable every time she placed her arms around me.

I actually looked forward to seeing her mostly because of her hugs and wet kisses. She may have always seen me as the adult I am right now but she still makes me feel safe and cared for like back when I was still a toddler. I even sat on her lap until I was 14. I know that’s a bit much but I still can’t get enough of her hugs and if I didn’t believe that I would squash her, I’d still sit on her lap today. Contrary to Grandmother A’s 13 grandchildren [14 in 2 weeks time], Grandmother B only had one, me. They only had my dad and his brother, who happens to be gay. Yes, they all spoiled me! And even tried to buy my love but I had a conversation with my grandparents about that when I was 12, making sure they knew that I loved them and not the stuff they bought me. The not buying my love thing lasted quite a while, until my dad died in 2006.

My mom and I were visiting them for the day with a couple of friends. We barely left them ~ didn’t even make it to the highway yet ~ and my phone rings: it’s my grandmother. “We didn’t give you any pocket money” and I practically started laughing and said: “uhm… ok…” but my grandmother insisted: “We didn’t give you any money and I thought your grandfather was giving it and he thought I was giving it and….” She breaks down in tears. So now I’m sitting in this car trying to convince my grandmother that money really really really doesn’t matter to me while she’s crying and afraid she’ll never see me again. So we pulled over so that my grandparents could give me money. To this day that still seems extremely weird to me but I understand why they felt so strongly about it: they had just lost their son and were afraid that they’d lose me too. They may have even thought that my mother would poison me against them or keep them from me. Logically since I was already 18, that wouldn’t have happened but see with grieving, logic seems to fly out the window and I love them for showing such intense desire to love me.

In the last few years I’ve been relying on my grandmother’s recipes for Christmas dinners and pretty much everything else because her years of experience and tweaking has made them idiot proof! I also admire her devotion to my grandfather and how strong she was when he died of lung cancer last October. She is a hard working woman and keeps ploughing along, no matter what life throws at her or how many times her path seems to have changed. I admire her love for her son even though she doesn’t fully comprehend how he could be happy being gay, yet she [nor my grandfather] ever loved my uncle any less! The amount of love we had in our tiny family was just as great as that of my mother’s side of the family.

I love my grandmothers and my grandfathers for that matter… actually my whole family and each of you have made a huge impact on my heart and the way I live my life. Now that I am in Zimbabwe I’m meeting a whole different part of my family and because of the values my grandmothers taught me, I fit right in and it’s like we’ve know each other forever.

As I wrote this I couldn’t help but think about my little unborn cousin, Rose. She’ll never get to meet our grandmother but she has 13 cousins who’ll make sure she learns the same lessons we did and get to have the same conversations we did. There really is no greater love than that of a family. And I love my family.

AM

PS: The names of my grandmothers actually start with an ‘A’ and a ‘B’… I don’t rank the people in my life. They are all important to me in their own way.

Room to breathe

JS and I had a really long conversation last night and we decided to give each other some room to breathe. I love him and he loves me too but we’ve been acting like an old married couple and it’s driving us crazy.

We’ve loved each other for the past 6 years, even though the longest we’ve been in the same country has been the past 3 months. Our love is not going to change, nor does either of us want that to change. And we’re really good together but it’s the not being together that’s driving us crazy! I miss him too much and he worries about me too much. I know it sounds a bit backwards: giving someone room because you can’t stand not being with them… But trust me, it makes sense.

See, I’ve been with his parents for the last week while he went back to work for the opening of their stores and it’s pretty hectic and busy, which is why I decided to stay here a bit longer. Yesterday I could have gone back to Harare with his brother -it was a last minute thing- which is why I called him and we had this long conversation. Basically about the reason I stayed here in the first place: his work is keeping him really busy and I didn’t want him to worry about me waiting for him at home. And as it turns out, it worked. He got a lot more done because he could stay at the office until 10pm without feeling guilty. So during our long conversation we decided to be honest and not just say what we thought the other wanted to hear. We actually came out and said it: we need a bit of room.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being with him and all of that is easy and comfortable but we’re both still young and to have a relationship that in our hearts have been going on for 6 years, is really intense. We both still have dreams and ambitions and if we are to achieve them, we need that to be our main focus point. Look, I would prefer to be able to achieve our goals collectively but they’re just sort of challenging. We’re not breaking up… we’re not even really changing that much in our relationship… we’re just not taking love so seriously. I want him to achieve everything he has ever dreamed off but by loving him to the point of suffocation; it is not going to make that a reality. And to be completely honest this loving him forever and always thing is actually really scary and slightly stressful. So we’re just taking a step back. Most people would refer to it as slowing down but we’re way past that point.

I love him and that’s not going to change! Our relationship is still on, it’s just not our only priority… actually I’m not even sure it’s our main priority… this does not mean we love each other any less; it just means we are focussing on our future a bit more and ALL the things we want in it. I want it all: career, family and a life I can be proud of. Not just a man who completes me. I don’t need any of those things but not going after them, just because I’m content is so not like me or JS for that matter.

He is a strong man and I love him more than anything else. He is smart and sweet and caring and proud and capable of great things. I want him to be great! If that means I have to let him live more of his life without me, then that is a price I am more than willing to pay!

JS you know I love you and I’ll never stop showing you. But I don’t want you to see me as a liability or an extra burden so I’m taking our relationship down a few notches just until we don’t have to work 20 hours a day to make our career dreams come true. Besides, we’ve had intense feelings for a really long time, so time really is irrelevant when it comes to our love.

Look, I just thought I’d share this conversation with you: mainly because love is complicated and relationships require work but taking a step back and allowing love to be fun again and not so intense is sometimes the best solution to maintain the purity of your love. The only thing that’s really changing is our mindset and as soon as I hung up the phone, I actually felt relieved and love JS even more for it.

AM

Future In-laws

I’ve spent the last week with my boyfriends Parents and brother while he slaved away in Harare. We did all the usual fun family things most of us have come to take for granted- at least until it is disrupted. Somewhere in between baking cookies and burning caramel popcorn before breakfast: my potential future sister in law (PFSIL), Tenile, came over for a few days.

Now here’s the thing about family dynamics: it’s complicated! There really is no family who doesn’t have some issue or lifestyle choice that can be considered weird… we’re all unique and equally messed up. Not to get into too much detail, let’s just say that my boyfriend’s brother has been a bit of a player, actually that’s not correct: he’s just fallen in love a lot more frequently than most. Obviously his- many – past relationships will have some bearing on his current and future relationships. The unfortunate thing is that Tenile and his parents are caught in the crossfire.

See, Tenile knows about most of his past relationships, especially the most recent and painful break up. But what she doesn’t know is how his parents felt about that girl and for that matter all the other girls their little boy has been dating. Don’t get me wrong, they are adamant that she is a step up from the rest but that’s sort of my point: they have an opinion. The only bad thing they have said about her is that she’s young. She’s 4 years younger than their son- which isn’t much but if you take into account that their son is only turning 21 in a few months, it makes a difference.

Considering the type of girls that my future brother in law has dated in the past and the things they use to do, my future parents in law are a bit concerned that this relationship could get too serious before Tenile really has a chance to find herself. And these are all valid concerns but as far as I’m concerned, the wrong people are getting concerned. It is not our parents place to choose who we share our lives with; they cannot feel the love inside our hearts or validate our emotions through logic and reason.

I love my PFSIL and think she’s an exceptional human being: a 16year old who chooses education above smoking; fights for the right to learn while supporting her single father both emotionally and domestically is not something to speak lightly of. Her life hasn’t been easy and neither has my boyfriend’s brother’s life. Growing up in Zimbabwe has aged them all. Here age really is just a number, and invalid number!

Unfortunately parents are parents and they care, sometimes too much for us to handle. A few comments have been made this weekend that hurt Tenile and upset her boyfriend and caused some friction between my future mother in law and my future father in law. They really were just fleeting thoughts that came out wrong but again with the track record of past relationships, my future mother in law saw history repeating itself and in an attempt to get my future father in law to be more open minded… well it sort of backfired on her. I love my future father in law and in a lot of ways he is very, very similar to my dad so I understand him just as well as anyone else in this family. He is not a man who shows his affection easily; he is proud and he is strong and that is how he was raised to be. For him to sit back and watch his little boy date anyone is tough. For him to open up and allow anyone into his family circle – the same family circle he has been charged with protecting- is not a small ask.

He is an amazing man but he is not a flawless man. He wants his sons to experience the happiness that he has had with their mother over the last 25 years. Unfortunately he doesn’t know how to guarantee that. So instead he bides his time and watches every person who crosses their path, analyzing and probing and checking and re-checking. Somewhere during this process he tests his boundaries and tests how much these two really care about each other – love is too strong a word to be used, simply because it is a complicated subject in itself. Yes, he will try to push her away, just to check how much she is willing to endure for his son’s affection. And he will push all of his son’s buttons, just to see if he really likes her enough to fight for her; to stand up for his own feelings and believe in their relationship enough to disagree with his father.

My future mother in law is very open minded, sort off. Actually I think her open mindedness is driven by fear, fear of losing her sons or having them hate their father. So she has been fighting non existing battles on behalf of Tenile. I don’t know what is said in this family when I turn my back but I’m pretty sure it’s nothing like this. See JS is their eldest son and he is simply put a mamas-boy. This comes with its own set of problems but not yet… not sure why but it seems to me like mothers bite their tongue when it comes to their children’s relationship till way later… sometimes they only voice their opinion after the relationship has ended. The youngest son takes after their father even more than both of them realize and that is partially why my future father in law is so protective and slightly possessive over him. This isn’t something that’s just going to change or be solved over a cup of tea. But if Tenile and my future brother in law can hold on long enough and focus on their relationship instead of what anyone else is saying or potentially thinking, I see great love in their future.

Parents just want us to be happy and sometimes that means they want to protect us from making mistakes they did or getting hurt and I have to quote the message from Finding Nemo [had a girly day of watching animated movies this weekend]. “If you never let anything happen to them, then nothing will ever happen to them”. Parents are also just people with their own set of baggage and sometimes we, as the children, need to step back and realize that not every comment that seems to be directed at us; actually has anything to do with us. Sometimes we just have to let them sort out their own issues and give them time to come around.

What I’m trying to say in a long winded way is: love can’t be defined by someone else; families are complicated and little things shouldn’t stand in your way if you love someone. And all parents out there: just because your kids love someone else it doesn’t mean they’ll love you any less!

AM

Moving Forward

I’m having a weird day of missing my cousin and hating her at the same time… That’s actually a pretty big deal, since I don’t hate~ it wastes way too much energy! And we use to be great together… Anyway, this is just how I feel about the person I use to respect more than anything else in the entire world.


 


Stuck in the aftermath:


*****


Flipping through old images of us


I forgot how beautiful you are


Blame the ugliness between us


Maybe it’s time to heal this scar


 


Said some things I’m sure I meant


Don’t remember the exact event


Would apologize if I had the guts


But I might just act even more nuts


So instead we’re stuck in the aftermath


Love turned into a wordy blood bath


 


Whatever it is you said hit a bull’s-eye


Wanted to shove you down the stairs


Wished I could just give up and say die


Maybe you were testing who cares


 


Said some things I’m sure I meant


Don’t remember the exact event


Would apologize if I had the guts


But I might just act even more nuts


So instead we’re stuck in the aftermath


Love turned into a wordy blood bath


 


I’d love to hug you and talk again


Just can’t seem to remember why


Why it was fun walking in the rain?


Maybe it was our way to say goodbye


 


Said some things I’m sure I meant


Don’t remember the exact event


Would apologize if I had the guts


But I might just act even more nuts


So instead we’re stuck in the aftermath


Love turned into a wordy blood bath


 


Our passion was just too intense


I’m sure we use to be friends


It just doesn’t make any sense


Maybe this was the way it ends


 


Said some things I’m sure I meant


Don’t remember the exact event


Would apologize if I had the guts


But I might just act even more nuts


So instead we’re stuck in the aftermath


Love turned into a wordy blood bath


 


Should I forgive and forget you?


Do you even think about me at all?


Will you apologize as courtesy too?


Maybe I’m not ready for this wall to fall


*****


AM

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