We had our first real fight. It was silly. Just because it was silly doesn’t make me any less annoyed.
While JS was waiting for his PC game to load he took my phone from me and yeah it was a fun game for a while but then I wanted to use it to play music while I take a bath. So he said that he’d give it back to me as soon as I started running the bath water. I knew that the chances of him giving it back like he said was slim but I still chose to trust him. This is pretty much where the spirit of the game ended!
When I got back he obviously didn’t want to give it back and continued playing the ‘what’ll you give me for it’ game. In all fairness I could probably have said I’ll give you a kiss or something but after I said please several times, I was just not in the mood to play anymore and I went on the defensive which translates into making idle threats like ‘this is the last time I’m asking nicely’ or ‘do you want to sleep peacefully tonight?’ all still said with a smile. Then it dawned on me that I don’t want to be one of those women. One of those women who have to bribe and threaten the guy they love to get what they want so I flipped out a bit and gave him one final warning as I considered pulling the plug on his computer or pretending to through his phone out the window but instead just opted for pulling out his internet cable…
Admittedly that was childish of me but by that time I was beyond the game and I just don’t make empty threats. So I walked out and went for a long walk, which didn’t cool me down. So I went for a run and that only seemed to make me angrier so I went back to walking which still didn’t prove effective. Eventually I settle on pacing: not effective at all but a good time waster! Somewhere between the end of the pacing and the bath I eventually took, I realized that it was obviously never about the phone and even the fact that I don’t want to be a stereotypical girlfriend is not the true reason for my upset. It all comes down to trust.
I knew that there was a greater chance of him continuing to withhold my phone than of him actually returning it but I chose to trust him anyway… I chose to trust. The thing most people don’t realize about me is that I have some serious trust issues! I use to be all stable and trusting but I got screwed by a few Virgos and now I’m a bit scared. It’s not fare that he has to deal with this. It’s not fair that he has to compensate for my insecurities and my trust issues.
It’s crazy that something as silly as a game of phone hide-and-seek can bring up insecurities I almost thought I had come to grips with. With that said, if we work through all our fights this way we might just make it to our his and her rocking chairs 60 years from now.
AM
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